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Sunday, 17 July 2011

Snapshots: Boys Pick Up and Girls Role Play

Warning: This post contains some adult elements.

So I was supposed to blog a bunch of snapshots yesterday, huh? Okay, I’m as flexible as a stripper, so I’ll blog about it today and scrap the Sunday Songs theme. Or something. Go with the flow, people!

I was having a nightmare about forks last night and I didn’t get much of sleep. What I did get was a fresh bunch of ideas in the morning, which took a turn...

I’ll have to refer to a movie again, and if this is getting too much, cover your ears and think of ear-muffs. Have you seen When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) with Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan? It was quite the hit back in the day when Meg Ryan was trending and it was (and remains to be) a classic among love stories: alcoholic mother married to a non-alcoholic pilot, having two beautiful girls and a big problem called Vodka. What stuck with me, though, was the opening scene.

Trust me, you have to see this.

Other than being the WORST pick-up line in the history of cinema, romance, and words, it turned out to be the BEST role-play in the history of cinema, romance, and words. The expression on that other guy’s face was priceless when the two get it on over laundry. Ha.

So what I’ve done is make two lists: one for the guys and one for the ladies.

When a Man Likes a Woman… He Picks-Up with Style
(for the guys)

1. Have you seen my dragon?

If she has a dragon tattoo and you don’t look like a pervert, she might think it’s cute and bite. On the other hand, it might be taken as a euphemism for your dirty pet, in which case you will get a pretty nifty hand imprint for your next pick-up line. Either way, you win.

2. With shoes like that, you must be Lucifer’s first lady.

It implies power and style and it works for bad girls. Steer clear from good girls, though. They will spray holy water in your eyes.

3. My IPad’s picking up a network connection coming from you. I think it’s worth connecting, don’t you?

If you have an Ipad then you’re not a homeless person, and that’s always a plus. It’s a witty line, so you’ll get a point for smarts. On the other hand, she might think you’re a computer nerd, which we don’t always want to connect with… (daddy issues).

4. I had a dream about you having a dream about me last night.

Basically, it’s the worst pick-up line ever revisited. In this case, you will have to be careful on picking up blond girls (I mean REALLY blond girls). It might take them a while to figure this one out.

5. “If you're up for it -- we only need six more people for a human pyramid.

In this scenario, you’re with your best mate and are trying to pick-up two ladies. (But we all know this isn’t how it works. You think I don’t know about the wing man strategy? Ha.)

Those of you who watch Friends know who said that, don’t you? Regardless of Friends, this line appears too moronic to work. But you know what? If it were me, I’d laugh my ass off and bite. Show me a girl who doesn’t like funny guys! Go on, I dare you.


Now, fast-forward a few months. What’s that you’re saying? One month? Boy, things have surely changed these days… I’m pretty sure role-play didn’t come before marriage at some point, or in some cases: ever. Oh the wonderful world we live in!!!

When a Woman Loves a Man… She Makes Him Role-Play
(for the ladies)

1. He can be the Johnny Depp to your ship. If his perfect fantasy is sleeping with Princess Leah, you are definitely allowed some Johnny action. Make him do the accent too. Yummy.

2. You can pretend he’s Moby Dick and you’re Ishmael. Enough said.

3. Burglars are overdone. How about succubus and nun/priest? Two words: sexual tension. And if I were you, I’d snag the succubus part before he gets any bright ideas.

4. Beauty and the Beast: reversal of roles style. Let him be the damsel in distress for once. He’ll hate it, which will surely turn you on. You’re naked, he’s annoyed. Everybody wins.

5. Good cop, bad cop are interrogating a renegade and… Wait, this implies a threesome. So first step: find the third wheel. (Kids, you should NOT be reading this!)


My questions for YOU:
Guys, what kind of pick-up lines do you use? Any of them work?
Ladies, do you and your partners like to role-play? Who initiates it? 


Post-script: If you enjoyed this post, fee free to book my face, chase the blue bird, stumble your way out, digg in my backyard, and rate my google. Thank you!


Michael Offutt said...

I have no pick-up lines. But these are funny to read. It's been my experience that good looking men get all the attention anyway. At that point, it just becomes who rates higher on the lust meter. I honestly don't think it has anything to do with what is said as long as the body is rockin'.

Lyn Midnight said...

Well yes, there is that too. But I couldn't think of a list regarding that, so pick-up lines seemed like the next best thing, haha. Besides, I meant it when I said I like funny guys. I've met the rocking type, but they are sometimes so boring. *sigh*

Thanks for visiting, Michael! :)

Robin said...

OK to I've been married for 16 years but before that....2 pickup lines the first for a laugh and the second for dumb...

1. "Hi, I'm Rick, how do you like me so far?"

2. "I can't stay out much later, my nurse just beeped me and reminded me I have to do a surgery in the morning".

aka @walkingawake

Lyn Midnight said...

@Robin I'd cut you off either way. Sorry. Pick-up lining's a tough business. Thank God I'm a woman. :P

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