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Sunday, 22 January 2012

Mad Ways to Make Money (Don't Try These at Home)

The other day I was looking for ways to get some cash fast. Let’s face it: in today’s economy, one would be lucky if they could afford to live on anything other than discounted goods. It’s no wonder people have turned to the Internet in their search for ‘easy money’. Of course, what they don’t tell you is that there’s no such thing. Rather, you find that out the slow, painful way.

Some do online surveys, affiliate programs, and blogs, others sell their stuff on ebay, and yet third self-publish, do freelance jobs, and fundraise. For more creative ways to earn cash online, please see this article. It’s full of unorthodox ideas.

But what if you need money… fast? I’m not talking about the online scams. I’m not even talking about selling a stamp that was licked by the President of the United States on e-Bay. I’m talking about crazy ways to find your way out of poverty and debt. I’m talking acts of desperation here.

So I started digging, and boy, did I strike gold. Don’t get too excited though. I didn’t really make money; this is not one of those articles. But I did find some amusing things and I had to share them with the world. Who knows, maybe the only cure to being poor is a big spoonful of humour after all… Oh and the process was two-pronged: my friend had the crazy ideas and I had the mighty Google on my side. What are friends for!

Me: So what do I do to get rich? Go.

Friend: You can become a prostitute!

Me: Uhh… no. Next.

Friend: (Just the one time.) Why don’t you… sell your kidney!

Me: Hmm, let’s see what Google says… (types: I wanna sell my kidney) It says it’s illegal in the U.S. Besides, it’s a HUGE hassle. The blood-type has to match and stuff.

Friend: I know! See what other organs you can sell!

Me: Okay… (types: which organs can I sell) A-ha! I found something called ‘Which organs can I live without and how much cash can I get for them?’ Bingo! It says that most people can spare a kidney, a portion of their liver, a lung, some intestines, and an eyeball!

Friend: *stares* That’s… interesting. I wouldn’t do it though, too attached to my eyes.

Me: Wait a minute, this is madness! I don’t want to die because I need cash! There must be something else I can sell and remain intact. Right?

Friend: (types others stuff in) SHAZAM! You can sell your soul, babe. Here: We Want Your Soul.

Me: Whoa. That’s perfect! Who needs a soul when they’ve got lots of money?!

Friend: I found a review too. It says someone sold their soul for £41871. And there’s a questionnaire too! It asks you if you smoke and drink and… have pre-marital sex.

Me: Meh, I’ll lie of course. Want to get the best price! Besides, I bet it’s better to sell my soul to those guys rather than the devil.

Friend: Amen, sister.

Me: (some time later) Server’s down. Maybe we should look for alternatives…

Friend: I heard about people selling ghosts on E-Bay once!

Me: I am not selling Lady Aberdeen. She keeps me company when everyone else ignores me.

Friend: (looks at notes for article) You do realize people will think you’re actually crazy and not joking, right?

Me: It’s the beauty of writing. You never know how something might come across. *big grin*

Friend: You’re flipping mad. *laughs*

Gotta love the Internet… If you’ve come across something worth trying, give me a shout. 

What’s the craziest idea you’ve had for making money? Did you try it yourself?