I thought long and hard if I should blog today… and I’ll tell you why.
A week ago, I shared my account of 2012 with the world, and in doing so I felt relieved. It was as if a giant elephant hopped off my chest and I could finally breathe. A couple of days later, I got sick. I suppose it was presumptuous of me to think that story was over, and I’d finally get a break.
I should have known the Universe would challenge that as well.
It started with a cough, then virus, so I took antibiotics. Then it grew into bronchitis/bacterial infection, so I got prescribed penicillin. Now, a few days later, I’m on two types of injections, feeling dizzy from so much treatment, and scared that I’ll have to spend New Year’s in a hospital. Yeah, well…
I know I’ll be fine. I know this year will be over in a few days. I’ll survive.
And I know there are people who had a harder time this year, like Karen who went through a horrible case of Toxic Shock, Mags whose mum has cancer, and my friend Michael whose mum has dementia. Basically, I don’t really think I should be complaining here. Everybody’s life is shitty sometimes.
Nevertheless, in moments like these, my strength wavers, and my nerves get really close to cracking. I always try to watch funny movies, read inspiring stories, and repeat ridiculous mantras. I do this because I care about my mental and emotional well-being. I want to be happy, and I work on it. Daily.
But there is a line. And sometimes we come this close to crossing that line.
The line is between hoping to get better and expecting the worst; between fighting and giving up; between being strong and having a panic attack before your mother’s eyes. The mother who’s been taking care of you and even getting sick herself in the process. The mother who would do anything to see your healthy smile and your can-do attitude win over the sickness, like it always should.
I’m lucky enough to have a mother, who’s not quite healthy herself, but is a fighter!
And it’s enough that she has to deal with this sickness of mine, and of hers. She really doesn’t need to see me cry and panic about losing all this money. She’s worried about my health, not the money! And why am I not worried about my health more than I worry about money? Isn’t that backwards?
You bet it’s backwards. Health should ALWAYS be most important.
In days like these, I prefer to stay silent, and hope for the best. I never blog when I’m this affected.
But today is different. I realize I should stop being selfish and start thinking about her. My mother: the one person I’d give up my life for; the person who’s always been there, no matter what. I’ve made my mum worry about me many times before, and I regret it. Thank God she’s strong enough to take it.
So that’s a wakeup call right there. Much needed perspective.
I hope you’re making sure your mum knows how much you love and cherish her. I hope you hug and kiss her a lot. And I hope your health – and hers – is priority #1 in your life. I hope you see how fragile life is. And I hope you’ll start the New Year with that in mind. So if you have a mother, or someone who’s like a mother to you, never take them for granted. Hold them close for as long as you can.
There is no substitute. And there is no greater blessing.
P.S. This blog is dedicated to all mothers out there. Thank you for loving, caring, and being strong!