I’ve so far introduced you guys to ED, the editing monster and the Monster That Must Not Be Named, or TMTMNBN for short.
Now’s the time to reveal my madness in its entirety. Brace yourselves.
Setting: Writer’s workplace (messy bed, NOT desk)
Time: An hour after the writer was supposed to sit down and write. First sign of the procrastination gene. You’ll see plenty more.
Things done: Tidied room; arranged notes; bought more note-cards and markers; read another vampire book; read some sex manual for fun; made coffee and drank it all; brainstormed a shopping list; had an idea but lost it due to lack of pens (as if ALL the pens in the room had found their own hiding place); etc.
Things NOT done: Writing the next chapter of WIP.
Mood: Undecided, bordering on funny (as usual).
The cast (in order of appearance):
Writer: Lyn Midnight (pseudonym). Moody 24-year-old addicted to all kinds of substances and escape routes on TV. Tall. Big nose. Restless, fidgets a lot. Likes fragments. Lazy.
The child muse: Nyx. Little blond girl, very annoying. Nag. Nag. Nag. Squeaky voice that makes the writer shut her down as soon as she appears. Likes to build cities of blocks and destroy them in a Godzilla impersonation, all in the name of annoying the Writer further. Works at night.
The critic: Nelson. VERY un-attractive and greasy fellow, homeless vibe. Has a pair of creepy, dark eyes that speak for him. If he does open his mouth, it would be to swallow the poor writer who tends to cower in a dark corner whenever Nelson visits. Most of the time, thankfully, he just breathes in the writer’s nose whenever she’d screwed up. Horrid breath.
The Block Monster: Like Nessy, the Block Monster is very elusive, impossible to be captured by camera or sight. Writer imagines it looking like a giant slug, dragging its slimy body all over the blank page to make it impossible for any word to stick to the ruined paper. Not to mention the gross factor. Ugh.
The organization freak: Mona. Glasses. Likes to make long and useless (occasionally useFUL) lists. Pops head out of her paper-filled lair every time writer ponders an idea. Head of brainstorm sessions and life choices. Boss of everything. Period. Sometimes neglects her looks in order to stay on top of the work-force (a.k.a. the writer’s mind), which usually ends in fostering little birdies in her hair.
The procrastinator: ARGHHH! Arghhh is very skilled at making the Master Mind crazy and disorganized. Even Mona can’t help the powerful influence that Arghhh has over the writing process. Arghhh is a small ball of slime and electricity that intercepts any creative idea that heads for the brain. Arghhh is the fastest point of the chain, which allows him to swallow whole projects before they’ve reached Mona. Thus Arghh is also the most well-fed beast in the Writer’s Ecosystem.
The child: Alexis. Not much of a child but nags like one. Which is worse, Alexis always gets what she wants. Life goal: Have Fun. Like those sirens at sea, she has crazy-long dark hair that entices any man or creature that comes her way. She is ready to consume any substance or high that will make her feel alive... and get far away from the clutches of her closet-monster: Reality. Every time the writer sits down to work, Alexis will beg to go to a party, and succeed. Minx.
The fear-monster: FAILURE. Ah, this hairy bastard will mostly stay behind the writer, so she will never be able to see how small and inconsequential it really is. Unlike Nelson, Failure emplys a Wizard-of-OZ kind of chilling voice that will make even the Block Monster cower away and keep quiet.
The Cheerleader: Violeta. What story doesn’t have a cheerleader? She’s peppy and fun. She’s inspired and cries when exposed to little specs of kindness. She’s the gullible one. She also has eternal pompoms, which gleam in the dark, 24/7 reminders of the writer’s purpose in life: WRITE! She is only scared by the Block Monster but fearlessly hits Failure over the head with her heavy pompoms. Gotta love her.
The Wise River Lady: Nereth. She has long curly red hair. Blue eyes. She’s a shape-shifter. Sometimes she looks young, other times old, depending on the writer’s need. She speaks in riddles when she gives advice. She also has a calming effect on the Writer, as she uses the power of the water source to provide a safe haven for the Writer she struggles.
The Three-Headed Monster: Sometimes Failure, Arghhh, and the Block Monster join forces to create a horrendous mythical creature that is, surprise-surprise, immortal. As if it’s not enough to face down one monster in this tough business. Sigh.
Now then. Once you know the cast, they have no choice but to obey some simple rules. I can pretty much cheat my way out of the monsters’ clutches and lure out the creatives in the following ways:
* To summon the muse, simply toss a delicious idea her way.
* If Nelson attempts to interrupt my process, I can always give him gum so that his breath will be mint-fresh at least.
* What do I do with the slug? Umm... burn it?
* Mona is easy. I just have to make a mess and she’ll emerge, armed with folders, markers, sticky notes, and ball-pens. If it fails (which it WON’T), she’s never say no to coffee at least.
* If Arghhh is hungry, I’ll toss him some nonsense until he gets so full that he’ll no longer have room for the wonders that follow.
* The only way to keep Alexis at bay is to give her what she wants –on the page- or stock up on provisions. Only problem is, I can’t write drunk, in which case she quickly gets what she really wants.
* Failure must be faced and gagged.
* Nereth’s always there, which is probably due to the fact that I invented her, and therefore, intended her to be there whenever I need her. You can’t argue with that.
* As for the three-headed monster, I play the flute. If it’s anything like Fluffy from Harry Potter, it’ll quickly doze off.