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Sunday, 11 December 2011

What Do I Want? (Transition Sucks)

Behold! The waiting place... Are you there yet? (Noah Fleming)

This is NOT going to be a depressing post, I promise. You’ve probably been wondering where the hell I disappeared off to, right? Well, let’s just say I’m in transition. Which kinda sucks.

Of course, transition doesn’t have to be a bad place. It just has the potential to suck. Like moving off to a new place where you don’t know anyone. It’s gonna suck a while, until you find your bearings.

In any case, my transition has sucked because I let it. But no more! Let’s backtrack a bit.

Since I graduated a few months back, I have been playing it safe. I’ve been looking for a job in the small town I’ve been living at for the last three years. It’s an adorable British town, a tourist attraction, featuring in Chaucer’s stories… but I’ve been here too long.

First, you must know this about me, so I’ll tell you. I LOVE to travel. I love to meet new people, experience new cultures, and take pictures of amazing architectural and natural designs. And before I moved here, I’d lived two years in the capital of Bulgaria, which is HUGE. So I got used to noise and excitement.

Let me tell you something about Canterbury: it is NOT exciting. Sure, I have my friends here, but they won’t stay here forever either. And honestly, I am running out of reasons to stay. Yes, I have a place to live, and yes, I have people who have my back if something were to go wrong…

So what? I’m not doing anything with my life right now. Nothing holds me here any longer. I’ve no boyfriend, still no job, and really, no opportunities either. All I have is parties… and booze. What a dream. And so I have to draw the line. Enough transition for me.

See, according to Dr. Seuss, the waiting place is a scary place to be. People pass you by, life passes you by, and what good is waiting if you’re not doing what you want to do? Taking chances? And what are you waiting for anyway? Some amazing thing to fall at your feet? Ain’t gonna happen.

So I’ve been in this waiting place for a while now, and it’s time to move on. Not knowing where I’m going to be in a few months’ time excites me now. It used to scare me, but the world is my oyster, and my life is just beginning, so why would I want to spend this amazing time being scared? I’d rather take a leap, see where the river Zen takes me (inside joke between my friends and me).

Here’s the tricky part… what next? What do I want to do with my life now? I have a diploma and soon I’ll have a work permit, but I have to decide where I want to be first, and what I want to be doing. And that’s hard for some people. I don’t always have the answers, but as long as I’m asking the right questions, I’m at least better prepared to make a life-changing decision at this time.

I’ve just been contacted by a Spanish family who are looking for an Au Pair nanny, long-term. I don’t know any Spanish and I’m not sure if I want to pick up and leave in one month to go to a new country, but… I’m going to sleep on it. Because it no longer scares me. And THAT’S exciting.

But what I really want… I want to work in Publishing. I want to make coffee and copies until I get to a point where I can become who I want to be: editor by day, writer by night.

So now that I know what I want and am no longer afraid… all I need is a good plan of action. And I’m really good at those. So if anyone has any suggestions for a good Publishing CV or a UK-based internship, let me know. Meanwhile, I’m going to eat a muffin and marvel at the freedom I have right now.

Let’s face it. I won’t always have that freedom, so I want to make the very best of it.