Penguins?! SERIOUSLY???
This had to be done. I won’t go into detail how I came about this argument, but I will tell you this. Ready? Polar bears are cooler than penguins.
And I don’t mean cool as in weather or colors. I mean cool as in ‘too cool for my shoes, my car, my shirt’ (blame the Rom-coms for that recurring reference).
And I KNOW what you’re going to say. Penguins look like they’re wearing a tux.
NO!!! I refuse to let his go. I have been pestering people to pick a favorite, and so far it’s 50-50, so today I’m gonna put it to a vote. Voice YOUR favourite here, TODAY!
You can vote on the right sidebar ----> and in the comments.
But first, let’s see if I can convince you to take my side.
Facts about Penguins
1. Penguins are social birds, which form colonies.
Being a part of a whole is not too bad. But where’s the independence? Come on Western Society, back me up here! Being independent trumps being interdependent any day! Right?
2. Penguins mate for life.
Nowadays, it’s much more fun to date around and live it up while you still can! Mating for life’s overrated. Though I guess it’s understandable in the penguins’ case seeing as they live up to about 15-20 years. Poor blokes. They picked the wrong pole…
3. Penguins waddle when they walk.
Okay, so do I. But honestly, waddling in a tux is not so sexy. Is it?
4. They’re birds but cannot fly.
Boom! I win the argument right there. Why do you need wings if you can’t fly? Maybe they help with swimming, but honestly, can’t they just grow some scales and be done with it?
5. Male penguins take care of their chicks.
Ha! See? The male penguins are whipped by the mama penguins. Loooosers.
6. They eat snow as a source for fresh water.
Everyone knows you shouldn’t eat snow. What if someone peed all over it?
7. Penguins use sign language to communicate with one another.
So… you’re telling me they waddle and gesture wildly while trying to stay poised on the slippery ice? Now that’s smooth. Penguins are just the coolest. I’m convinced.
8. In the movies, penguins are always shipped off by poachers and trying to go back home in groups. A lonesome penguin wouldn’t get too far without his buddies.
Conclusion: the ONLY cool thing about penguins is that they’re pretty good swimmers.
Facts about Polar Bears
1. Polar bears are strong and elegant. They’re survivors.
See, that’s what I’m talking about. No awkwardness, no waddling, all cool.
2. A polar bear’s fur is not white; it just looks it.
Ooo, see? They’re masterminds! Convincing everyone they’re white. Genius!
3. Polar Bears were the hit of The Golden Compass (2007).
Lyra couldn’t have saved the day or gone anywhere without the help of the mighty Iorek Byrnison. He was a bit of a drunk in the beginning, but then became King of Svalbard!
4. Polar bears live up to 25 years.
Ha! Outliving the penguins much? Yeah, baby, longevity’s the bitch!
5. Polar bears have temper tantrums.
Well of course they should! They’re like humans that way. What do penguins do when they’re angry? Flipper their flaps (flapper their flippers?) and trip over their feet? That’s lame.
6. The females keep the babies away from the males.
The papa polar bears are not whipped like the poor penguin daddies. On the other hand, the poor little cubs may grow up to have daddy issues. (They’re just like us!)
7. Polar bears are solitary animals, but when they are in a group, it’s called a ‘celebration’.
How cool is it to live in a constant state of celebration, huh? And unlike the penguins, polar bears can survive on their own just fine. Who needs pals when you’ve got paws!
So it’s a good thing they live on opposite poles! Otherwise the Polar Bears would kick penguin asses all over the place. Did I convince you with my very mature and valid arguments? You have to admit, Polar Bears are damn cool and Penguins suck. There’s only room enough for the coolest, so choose wisely!
But if you must side with the enemy, you better give me a damn good reason for it!
