I have a very special guest post for you today!
My good friend and fellow blogger/twitterer Alivia Anders, whose blog I frequent a lot, is featuring here today with some thoughts on love and writing. You see, she is an obsessive writer. (Check out a sample of Illumine here.) She tends to string words together in a very entertaining sort of way, not to mention that she always has a lot to say about a lot of stuff. Go check her blog, and you’ll know what I mean.
So today's topic is how break-ups can be build-UPs sometimes. Yeah, it hurts. But in the end, we are better and stronger for it. And I think my friend will agree.
Why Break-ups Can Be The Best Thing. Ever.
by Alivia Anders
Break-ups are nasty little buggers. I think I can speak for the majority of women that break-ups always follow a funny little pattern:
• Always come at the most inopportune time (like when you announce you're on a diet the night Mom volunteers to pay to go to the new buffet that just opened)
• They hurt. And ache. And throb. And numb. And typically call for something sweet (hence why chocolate covered pretzels are now on the Never Bring Home From The Store list)
• The What If clause. We spend who-knows-how-much time saying, "If I had only done this/said this/dressed like this/etc."
What sounds like a footnote to every dating and how-to-get-over-him book out there, is actually a small touch into a part of my (and you, and you, and maybe you too) dating history. My first experience with this funny little roller coaster nightmare happened in Junior year of High School, when a very handsome at the time boy asked me out while I was down and out for the count after a rejection by the ever-popular emo-screamo wannabe boy band guy I typically binged on like free candy. Of course I took him up on his offer. Before I knew it, one school dance date turned into a spiral of emotions and sneaky make-out sessions in his basement Friday afternoons.
He was infectious, lighting up my senses in new ways I hadn't known were possible. Any aspect of my life became infected with the emotions I associated with him- my writing the most. He knew I had been penning one of my first books down loosely based on the magic behind The Giver on top of running my own RPG forum board (or five) and writing on several other independently owned boards. My character file on my baby laptop was encompassing ninety-five percent of my hard drive space, but I didn't care. I was dishing out some of the best writing I could have created at the time. Depth was added, characters given more sinister sides, ribbons of the past wrapping around them and giving a new shade to each face.
And then he broke up with me.
They say you never forget your first true love, but mine wasn't because how he stomped on my heart and left me cradling an empty cavern for my spirit. I can still recall the day, the time, everything because that was the day I wrote the first seven pages of what would turn into my biggest drive ever, a little story that got shelved and re-visited over the next two years, called Illumine. The day he severed ties with me was the day Essallie in all her glory breathed a sigh of relief in the back of my mind and said, "Well, now that he's gone, how about paying attention to me?"
That's not to say I had a magical happy ending. Actually, things sucked for a while. Those first seven pages sat there, untouched and growing stale for months before I re-visited it for the first time. It wasn't until I thought about it that I came back to my story with an awakened passion only after something traumatic in my love life left me with a gaping chasm for a chest.
Each rejection (some from my vain attempt to get back with my ex, I know, what was I thinking?) threw me head first into the writing, Essallie's vibrant story still waiting patiently for me. I learned the hard way that life, especially those things called 'boyfriends', have a funny way of getting in the way of your magic. But pushing past them, and even sometimes away from them, can have you not saying, "If only I had...” but rather "Why did I wait so long to write this?"
Have YOU had a similar experience? Has it helped you in any way?